I am a 43 y/o married mother of 2 children who gradually checked out of her marriage in order to survive it and the infertility pain that has plagued our lives for the last 5 yrs. I did not realized that by checking out of my marriage to avoid problems and arguments that I too checked out of most of my life in the process, including my children, extended family and friends. I used all my energy for many years to make our son a big brother that I was present but asleep during our lives. I used work, volunteer positions and alcohol to check out and avoid pain. This blog is my attempt to return back to my life after being gone for so long and to continue our journey to expand our family without checking out and falling apart.