I dreamt last night that I gave birth to a baby and it looked like a cartoon lizard. In my dream mind, all new babies look like lizards so I was find w/ it. As the dreamed progressed, my lizard baby turned into a normal looking baby and I was so happy and this new baby fit so well into my family. When I woke up and remembered the lizard baby, it made me feel sad again as I always think of my babies that did not make it as looking weird like they do on the ultrasound until they start looking like a real baby in the late 2nd trimester.
I wonder if my dream came to me as I have doctor appt. on Monday w/ another new OB/GYN for my annual and to order all my bloodwork required for RBA. I am scared and nervous and probably have PTSD w/ any doc appt regarding fertility w/ all my losses. I did not really realize that I have suffered from PTSD as I just could not get back on the horse again since my last frostie transfer in Aug 2012 until now. It did not help that I met w/ Dr Creepy last wk but I am glad that I started my period 3 hrs before the appt. and that he refused to do my pap smear since he was so awful.
My dream could have also occurred last night as this month marks our 5 year anniversary for TTC for our next baby. Who knows, but all morning, I was happier than I have been in a while. Overall, I am grateful for the dream.
Wow, 5 years is a long time for anything. I have never held a job for 5 yrs. I have had two different jobs for 4 yrs each and one job for 3 yrs. I graduated from undergrad in 4 1/2 yrs and graduate school in 3 yrs. I was married for 3 1/2 yrs when DD was born and DS was born 3 1/2 yrs after DD. I think my attention span is 3-4 yrs for most things. I pretty much gave up w/ TTC in Aug 2012 after 3 1/2 yrs as I did nothing from that time until 1 yr later in Aug 2013 as I began researching what clinic I wanted to use for my second DE cycle. I have somehow remained married for 12 yrs and going on 13 in April. Oh, no– I don’t want this yr to be unlucky number 13 for us as we will be doing our transfer sometime in the next couple of months.
I hope that my appt. on Monday goes well and that I will not be shaking and almost crying like I did at Dr Creepy’s office.